I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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