So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
