I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
