he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
