p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
