U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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