Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
