I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
