I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
