So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize