Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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