I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
babies were throwing up all over the place
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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