Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
