watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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