That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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