thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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