Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
