He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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