I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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