this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
