So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
