Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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