I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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