When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize