i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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