ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
