Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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