Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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