you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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