No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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