If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
