that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
