Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
