i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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