really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
