While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
