do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
its liver damage thursday
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
