im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
