Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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