I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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