I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize