We're facebook friends in real life
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
