So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
