I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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