I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
