im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
