I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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