You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
