well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
