he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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