You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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