am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
