I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
