If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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