I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize