made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
