I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
