So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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