I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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