i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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