marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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