Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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