If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
