he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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