Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
