the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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