I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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