Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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